TDY-Lakenheath, England

The Cat Mummy at the Nutshell


Cris, Stacey, Dana, Michelle (front)


The gang at The Dog and Partridge: Bill, Michelle, Cris, Stacey, Margaret, Audrey, and Tim (behind the glass)


Cris and Audrey, showing off out cool St. Pat's hats!


Cris and John (The Happiness Fairy)

TDY-Lakenheath, England

During the last week of February, I was sent TDY (tour of duty) to RAF Lakenheath. This is a small US Air Force Base in Suffolk, England about an hour from Cambridge. It is also located about 5 minutes from RAF Mildenhall. I was sent to attend a School Liaison Officers (SLO) training and conference hosted by the SLO at Lakenheath and United States Air Force Europe Headquarters (USAFEHQ). As usual, things got very interesting from the very start of my trip.

Mike had to drive me to Dusseldorf Airport which is about an hour from the house. About 20 minutes into the drive we hit a “stau” which is the German word for traffic jam. It took us almost twice as long as usual to get to the airport and even though Mike wanted to park to use the restroom he had to drop me off in departures so I would have a chance at making the flight in time. I checked in just under the gun and hustled through security, passport control, and took a quick potty break. I arrive at the gate just in time…to discover that the plane had been delayed.

Forty minutes later we took off for London, Heathrow and I was confident that I would still be able to make my free US military provided bus to Lakenheath. Upon arrival I hustled through the airport and even made it through British passport control without issues. Then the shit hit the fan. We had to wait over 30 minutes to get our luggage. British Air publicly apologized for the delay and it was really frustrating to wait as other passenger from later flights picked up their bags and exited through customs. By the time I got my bag it was the scheduled time for my bus to leave from terminal 3, of course I was in terminal 1.

Since there was a chance, ever so slight, that my bus would be late in departing I hauled ass to get to the bus lot in terminal 3, wheeling my suitcase behind me. If you don’t know, Heathrow Airport is frigging huge and it took at least 10 minutes to get to where I needed to be. Of course the bus was long gone. While I was disappointed, I knew that I had a few other options. So I went to the bus station that was located next to terminal 3 and tried to get a bus to Lakenheath. Well, it seems that the lady helping me had never heard of the place or even Mildenhall and after doing a search she determined that there were no busses going to Lakenheath. As I had no idea where these bases were located I took her word for it. In fact, I felt that it was my fault for not doing more research ahead of time so that I knew where the bases were located.

My next option was taking a cab. The cabs were located outside the bus station and I hopped into one, feeling hopeful. That was until I was told that the price for the ride was over 200 British pounds ($400). Yikes, that was not a solution. So I immediately exited the cab. I dug in my bag and pulled out the TDY info that I had been sent and saw that I would be reimbursed if I had to pay for a cab, but I would only be allowed to use 3 companies and they were all based out of Lakenheath. The paper also explained that if I called one of those cabs I would have to wait for over two hours as that was how long it would take them to drive to Heathrow. So I decided that taking a cab was not a good option.
Since I had missed the bus due to British Air leaving Dusseldorf so late and for screwing around with our bags I decided that they could pay for my cab. Dragging my bag behind me, I hiked all the way back to Terminal 1. While the employees of British Air were polite, (would one expect anything different?) they determined that BA could not help me. Officially it was my fault for not booking an earlier flight so that I would not have missed the bus due to their lateness. They were able to help me determine that Lakenheath was in Suffolk. The manager also suggested that I take the tube into London, then a train out to Suffolk. Then I could take a taxi from the station at the end of the line which would be much cheaper.

While this seemed like a bit of a good idea, I was still really upset and just knew that there had to be a better way to get to where I needed to go. I talked to a person at a shuttle bus desk and he had no idea about where I wanted to go. So I figured that I would have to go online to get more information about the base. After seeing the rates at the Heathrow Internet Café, I decided to try the bus station one more time. So off I headed, past Terminal 3, pulling my suitcase behind me.

After a short wait in line I found someone who had actually heard of the Air Force bases and even informed me that I had missed the free bus that left from the tour bus lot at Terminal 3….gee thanks! Anyway, I told her that I just wanted to get as close to Lakenheath as possible and as I knew that many military people would miss the free busses I just knew that there had to be a good way to get out there. She agreed and booked me on the bus going to the village of Mildenhall. It didn’t leave until 3pm, but I was just delighted to have my problem solved.

After I arrived in Mildenhall I meet a British woman who was a US military spouse and she was also going to Lakenheath. She had a home in the village and I needed to go to the base. I suggested that we share a cab and we had a great conversation during our ride. I didn’t have any small bills so before I got out of the cab at the base guest housing I gave the cabbie 20 pounds with the intention of paying him 5 ($10). That would cover half of the total fare and leave him a nice tip. Because I was so tired I didn’t realize that he gave me back a ten and two fivers. So when the lady asked me if I had paid the cabbie I said “yes.” Two minutes later, as I was checking in, she came into the lobby and politely informed me that I had not paid my portion of the fare. I was so embarrassed that I could have died on the spot. I had told her about my saga during the ride so hopefully she wrote it off as exhaustion and not as intentional. I apologized, thanked her again and gave her the 5 pounds.

My Air Force Inn room was about two blocks from the lobby and off I went, still dragging my suitcase behind me. Par the course; I was on the third floor and Air Force Inn does not have elevators. Once in the room I tried to contact the local SLO, but I kept miss-dialing or getting no answer. The group was going to meet at a Mexican Pub (imagine that) at 6:30 and as it was already 6:00 I figured that I was just going to have to miss out and eat at a fast food place on base. As I was getting settled in I heard two women talking in the hall so I popped my head out and asked them if they were there for the SLO Conference. Finally my luck changed, yes they were and they were also going to the group dinner.

We met with some more of the group in front of a nearby building then headed out to the Mexican pub that was just outside of the gate. I was so relived when I got there that I practically downed my Guinness in one gulp. I really enjoyed meeting some of the other SLOs in attendance. It turns out that the pub was owned by a family from San Antonio and the food was AWESOME. I had the best mole’ ever! (A spicy Mexican stew served over Spanish rice). After some more beer and a lot of laughing, we piled back into the cars and headed back to base. I usually don’t sleep well in these “hotels” but I was so exhausted that it was probably the best night’s sleep that I’ve had in ages.

The conference began at 9 the next morning, but the hosts served a tasty breakfast before hand. I won’t go into detail about the conference as I already wrote an official trip report for my boss. I did find most of the topics useful and informative. That night the group went to a “fancy” pub that was a bit too expensive. I did like the fact that the waiter referred to me as “My Queen.” What can I say; I had to like the guy after that! There was a bigger group this night as most of the SLOs went, along with some of the military VIPs who happen to be visiting the Airman & Family Readiness Center (A&FRC) on the base. I did try a few English Ales as recommended by Tim, the SLO at Fairford.

After the second day of the conference, eight of us went on a pub crawl to Bury-St.-Edmonds. We piled into Tim’s Land Rover and drove about 20 minutes to the scenic village. There was a nice church in town, but let’s face it, I was there for the beer. The first pub stop was “The Nut Shell” which is the smallest pub in England. It was pretty small too. There were already 6 people inside and four more of us packed into the tiny smoked filled space. I had a pint while the others took in a ½ pint. The rest of the group decided that it was too smoky and they waited outside. One of the most interesting things about this pub, beside the two of the weirdo regulars, was the 400 year old mummified cat that that hung from the ceiling. Builders used to wall in a live cat near the hearth of a building to keep out bad spirits and when the building underwent renovation the mummy was “discovered. Someone also hung a nasty dead rat up with the cat to “keep it company.”

The next pub was less colorful as the décor was more modern and it didn’t really have a “pub” feel to it. By then we were all hungry and most of us had a bit to eat along with our beer. As I wasn’t starving, I enjoyed a nice hot bowl of leek soup with bread. Our final visit was to the Dog & Partridge. This was a great place as it was divided into little rooms so we had an area to ourselves that wasn’t smoked filled. Behind the bar there were decoration up for St. Patrick’s Day and I noticed that they would be giving away Guinness hats. When I was asked, “Is that all?” I mentioned to the bar keep that I would love to have one of the hats. She told me that I had to come back for St. Pat’s and I told her that I had to go back to Germany before then. So she said that she would give me a hat. On of the other SLOs overheard me and also got in on my action asking for a hat. The bartender came out and handed me a bag of hats saying “I think that’s two.” It was obvious to me that the bag had more than two hats, but instead of playing it cool, the other gal ripped into the bag and the bartender saw that there were more than two hats, so we had to give the extras back instead of sharing with the other SLOs. Needless to say I was a bit miffed. We still managed to have a good time and took lots of group photos.

The following day the conference ended at noon and we ate the “southern buffet” at the Officers Club. It was less than amazing, but it was fun to get to spend more time with my new colleagues. After lunch, seven of us met to go into London for the evening. It was a real adventure too! Tina, one of our “hosts” showed up at the meeting point in a really beat up 12 passenger van. This rental was a stick shift and we quickly discover that Tina was not an expert on a left sided stick shift. Luckily, Audrey was able to sit up front and help as the gear shift was just in terrible shape. One of the other gals sat right in a grease spot on the seat and ruined her new jeans. The van was too low on gas to get us to the station in Epping that we wanted to go to so we had to fill up before we even got started.

On our trip towards England we laughed and joked and got to know Johnnie and Rosie, an Air Force Colonel and his wife who are stationed in Germany and were also visiting Lakenheath. At one point a police car was following us and I thought for sure that we were going to get pulled over. The noise was so loud from the van that it was almost impossible to hear the siren and I don’t even think that there was a rearview mirrors. The traffic was just terrible and it took awhile before Tina could safely maneuver the mammoth beast over. We were all delighted when the police continued on past us. A few miles later we past a car pulled over to the side that had obviously suffered an engine fire.

The parking lot in Epping was huge and packed. I was really amazed as Tina drove the van through the extremely narrow lanes and backed the van into a very tight spot. Well, Johnnie did help by directing her, but still I was still impressed. Once aboard the train we rode about an hour to get into downtown London. I recommended that we go to the Tower of London first and everyone readily agreed. They we not let down as the view from Tower station is really great. We walked partway on the Tower Bridge, them completely around the Tower of London complex before heading of to see Parliament and Big Ben. I had already been to theses locations three times before, but they were really worth seeing again at night and the group really made it a blast. Behind us was the London Eye lit in red. Tina and I had a bit of fun after discovering that we both enjoyed the songs of Johnny Horton and even sang the first verse of "The Battle of New Orleans.” It was even more fun because of where we were. Then I got Johnnie to sing the song about “Bobby’s on bicycles two by two” which was just a blast.

After walking around a bit we headed back to the tube station and out towards Buckingham Palace. We all had to use the restroom so badly once we came out of the station so we went into a nearby pub and decided just to stay there for dinner. I think that I freaked Johnnie out a bit as I went into the men’s room because couldn’t wait for all of the women before I got my turn…oh well. Dinner was scrumptious and I had the Irish stew. I also freaked out the waiter when I asked if the stew was made with fresh Irishmen.

When dinner was done it was already 10pm and we were all pretty beat, so we decided to skip Buckingham Palace as we really couldn’t see much through the fence anyway. After the return train ride to Epping, we disembarked to find an almost completely empty packing lot. We piled into the van, which of course didn’t start. It was dead, dead, dead. Tina decided to go back into the station to call the rental company and Johnnie, being the perfect gentleman escorted her. Of course they wouldn’t leave the van until we had promised to not roll down the windows for strangers. Of cause, nobody was going to be stranger than us…but that didn’t stop them from insisting that we lock all of the doors. Now mind you, we were in a huge empty parking lot. We could see anyone walking towards us for miles and they were acting like Jack the Ripper was in the car next door.

After they came out we were informed that the rental company told Tina to just “pop the clutch.” We were discouraged at first and Johnnie was a bit miffed that not one single cab driver in the station offered to help even after he mention that he was with six women. So we put Audrey in the driver’s seat, got behind the van and pushed. The van was actually a whole heck of a lot lighter than it looked and we were rolling through the lot in no time. Audrey popped the clutch and the van started immediately, much to our delight. We piled in and were on our merry way in no time.

The trip back was a lot of fun too as most of us were singing silly songs from our childhood. Fine tunes such at “The Worms Crawl In, The Worms Crawls Out” and “Found a Peanut.” What a blast. Once we got back to Lakenheath it was hugs all around. What a great trip and an awesome group of people. The next day I had to meet the free bus at 7am…yuck….but it was free! I headed back into Heathrow and stored my luggage so I could go shopping in London. I went to the Piccadilly Circus area and spent most of my time at Borders. It was so nice to be in a bookstore that sold books in English. I just missed browsing while drinking a good coffee. I can browse at the bookstore in Aachen, but considering that most of the books are in German, it just doesn’t have the same thrill. I also went to the largest toy store in England, which was a hoot. Finally I returned back to the airport a few pounds lighter…get it? I spent the rest of my British pounds on gossip magazines that would be fun to share with friends back in Germany. Over all, the TDY was a great success. I hope that I get to go again next year!!